The Vermont State Police paid a visit to my home Saturday afternoon.

I was not home at the time, but a neighbor told me there was a statie in my driveway.

Shortly thereafter, about 10pm, I called the State Police Barracks to inquire if I might be of assistance. The kind and professional dispatcher and, later, a Sergeant or Lieutenant or somebody, told me that two hang-up 911 calls had been placed from my residence at 5:30pm, prompting the visit to see if there was any trouble.

The calls were placed from an “inactive/no-callback” line or somesuch, meaning that the line is not in service but, as is customary, 911 calls can still be placed. As I do not have service with the local phone company, it is expected that the line would be inactive/no-callback. I do not have a telephone hooked up to the line, though I may do so now that I know that emergency calls may be placed.

I can think of several possibilities:

1. A technically astute prankster hooked up a buttset to the terminals on the network interface outside the house and dialed 911 and ran away giggling. There is no RJ11 jack on the network interface, thus precluding the use of a standard telephone and necessitating the use of a buttset. The prankster hypothesis is possible, but perhaps not likely. My enemies aren’t that smart.

2. As phone switches these days still accommodate the old rotary phones, dialing as they did by “making” and “breaking” contact with the phone line in a rapid string of pulses, it is possible for a faulty, wet, or rusty phone line to generate analog noise which can be interpreted by the telephone switch as pulses. If that were the case, then the faulty phone line would be “dialing” random strings of numbers all day long. If that were the case, then it’s only a matter of time before the faulty line dialed 911. I think this possibility is unlikely, as two valid 911 calls were placed in quick succession.

3. I think the most likely possibility is that the phone switch was spoofed to indicate that a 911 call originated from my house. It is unknown whether the hacker in this case wore a white hat or a black hat.

These sorts of weird things happen in my life all the time and I do not necessarily assign weight to them. But my “squelch knob” is pretty finely adjusted by now. I’d say there was some significance to the event.

So. As I cannot know the motives of he who spoofed that phone switch, I want everyone to know that although I am about as placid and harmless as they come, I retain every means and desire to defend myself. Do not fuck with me.

My work here is difficult and stressful. I do not need any disturbances in my environment. If you cannot even buy your tickets, I have zero need for machinations.

And please be mindful that a 911 call placed from my home, knowing as we do that the line is either faulty or spoofed, does not constitute permission to enter my home without a warrant, unless I specifically grant any responding officer permission to take a quick look around for anyone in distress. I’ve had quite enough of people coming into my house like it was some sort of a bus station. My new house is off limits. For all I know, someone will come in and magically find a kilo of cocaine under my couch or whatever other illegal items.

No one will acknowledge my mere existence, so I’ve no idea who the good guys are and the bad guys are. Everyone just give me a wide berth.

Thank you.

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