Google last night announced it will start building its self-driving car – and it plans to have the revolutionary vehicles on roads within a year.
Co-founder Sergey Brin unveiled the car – which will be equipped only with a stop/go button and be capable of speeds up to 25mph – at a conference in California.
Rather than reworking an existing car, the tech giant has built its own model and is working on around 100 prototypes to test out later this summer. The goal is for the car to ‘shoulder the entire burden of driving.’
See? Isn’t it a wondrous future? Google is so concerned about your wellbeing that they’re going to help you. And then the argument will be that since computer-controlled cars are safer than manual cars, what with those old-fashioned fuddy-duddy cars being driven by people who are sleepy or distracted or cranky or in a hurry or who have to go pee, it’s only right that manual drivers will have to pay more for insurance. And then, on some glorious day in the future, there will only be computer-controlled cars on the roads.
And on that day, if you in any way offend the little commies in Washington, they’ll just get in a snit and wheel around in their office chairs and type your name into their computer database of known terris. And since you’re a terris now, your wondrous new Google Car will not even start. No fly list, no drive list now. See? That is the glorious culmination of a long train of kookery, all started at 9:03 AM, September 11, 2001, when incompatible engine hardware slammed to the pavement.
And America will be such a land of freedom and bravery that you will have to be nice to the criminals in Washington or they won’t let you travel to the drug store for a Pepsi. America will be the Land of the Well Behaved.
“Daddy, what was it like back in the old days when you could just get in the car and go somewhere if you wanted to? Back before you, in your complete cowardice, bequeathed to me and your other progeny a complete shit hole of a totalitarian society where I get tased just for speaking out of turn?”
“Oh, Little Jimmy! It was wonderful! You’d just get in the car –didn’t have to get permission from anyone, even– and you’d drive, drive, drive! Maybe go to the mall! Maybe go see your girlfriend! You could go anywhere you wanted without worrying if the commies in Washington had gotten in a snit and wheeled around in their chairs and typed a command into the computer to make your car lock the doors and drive you to the nearest torture chamber! Ah, the good ol’ days! Sorry that I was such a piss-pants coward that I did absolutely nothing to defend your right to travel, like Chris did! And to think that he got absolutely nothing for his trouble but continued harassment from jurisdictions that should have recognized a vital defense of natural rights when they saw one! …Now put your stun collar back on. You want to be well behaved, don’t you?”