Prison » ‘Biggest yet’: Greenwald to publish names of Americans whom NSA is spying on

Glenn Greenwald, who helped Edward Snowden leak sensitive documents about the National Security Agency spying on its citizens, says he’s set to publish his most dramatic piece yet, which will reveal those in the USA who were targeted by the NSA.

“One of the big questions when it comes to domestic spying is, ‘Who have been the NSA’s specific targets?’ Are they political critics and dissidents and activists? Are they genuinely people we’d regard as terrorists? What are the metrics and calculations that go into choosing those targets and what is done with the surveillance that is conducted? Those are the kinds of questions that I want to still answer,” Mr. Greenwald told the UK’s Sunday Times.

I bet you five hundred million dollars that my name is on that list. It’s how I was able to argue my own case in court during pretrial release by text messaging myself. It’s another one for the history books. So thanks for the use of your surveillance channels.

And then my attorney can shut his pie hole about how, in his professional estimation as a psychologist, it is his determination that I “perseverate” and that I have “delusions of grandeur” and that I “need to take advantage of all available mental health services,” which is why he resolutely prevented my meaningful participation in my own defense by dismissing as the ravings of a madman that information which might have proved germane to my defense, information that would have made the case go bye-bye in five minutes if he’d only listened to what I was telling him, all while he remained blissfully unaware that his nation was conquered in a steganographic crypto-coup and that his client is a veritable national treasure.

It will be my greatest triumph to be exonerated once and for all, and to wave around in everyone’s faces the piece of paper that proves that Idiotdiction United States had to pull out every last national security surveillance tool to sniff the asshole of a professional comedian because obviously standards have slipped so far that comedians pose massive national security threats. Thanks for the professional distinction. I’ll add that to my curriculum vitae.

Yup: Thirteen years and untold hundreds of billions of dollars later, America’s trip into Stupidville netted you precisely zero terris and the odd online jack-off session on Grindr.

It’s a real American success story. So give yourselves a pat on the back.


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